Sunday, July 15, 2012

Contaminating His Vanilla

If my sexuality were an ice cream flavour, it would probably be a peanut butter raspberry fudge jubilee – with sprinkles. 

From the beginning of our relationship, it was apparent that RS was as vanilla as vanilla could be – and still is in many ways. Hell, when we first met I was vanilla too, but let’s face it, I was seventeen. I didn't know shit about sex in general, let alone the great expanse of kinky pleasures waiting for me.

With eyes opened to the kinky realm through my Human Sexuality program, I quickly discovered my kinky self and wanted to explore it fully. I'm still exploring it. I'm still developing that part of my sexuality. RS has followed right along with me and has been happy to assist my every kinky whim and enjoys it immensely. He will (when out with close friends) disclose our kinky adventures as ours, rather than mine alone. So perhaps it’s unfair of me to label him vanilla, for surely he wouldn’t label himself so. For some reason or another, I still see him as vanilla though - there's always that nagging question in the back of my mind that asks:

Is this really the direction HE wants to go?

My kinky whims are our only kinky experiences - RS doesn't contribute to our kinky repertoire, and I can't help but wonder whether I'm contaminating his vanilla sexuality or if he's simply embraced my contaminations as blessings.

Of course we talk about it often and in great detail - we believe in open and honest communication in all aspects of our relationship. It's a topic that just keeps surfacing, and each time we talk until there are no words left. And then we fuck, of course. But before we get to the fucking, he always insists that he doesn't have any new or differnt fantasies or kinky desires that are outside our repertoire. He says that until I bring it up he doesn't know it exists, and if he doesn't know it exists, he can't want it or desire it. And it makes sense. I’ll bring something up, and he’ll look at me like he hasn’t got a clue. I’m always surprised, mostly because I’ve realized that I have certain expectations of what men learn from porn in their early years.

Now that we live together though, I'm excited to finally be able to watch porn together (undisturbed – it’s never ended well before!) and expand our kinky desires together and hopefully stir some of his own kinky fantasies – and more of my own probably!

And we are moving in that direction - the other day RS actually asked me if my favourite sex toy store sold strap-ons. It came completely out of left field. Of course I jumped on it and bought one, along with a few other anal-specific toys. He’s maintained an “exit-only” stance whenever I bring up anal play – perhaps he’s read something while I’ve been away that’s changed his mind. Either way, the harness and toys have been bought and are on their way, so he’s getting an ass-fucking whether he likes it or not! (not really though – safe, sane and consensual all the way!)

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