One Profound Moment:Oh, The Irony

I've talked about this on Twitter quite often over the last few months, but I want to briefly explain one (new) aspect of my life that will slightly change the overall nature of this blog from here forward.

As part of my human sexuality degree requirement, I work with men who have sexually offended in an AA style program designed specifically for the needs of the offending population. Yesterday was my first day providing direct client service to these men, but already I know that to not write about my experiences with them would be to betray my own sense of self.

I write about what moves me in all aspects of my life, and I want to honour that.

I consider myself quite fortunate to have the opportunity to get to know these men, hear their stories, and understand the struggles they face and the triumphs they celebrate. I feel blessed to be amongst them, and I want to share with you each week one nugget of profoundness that I take from them.

The following conversation took place between two men in the group who have been (or are in the process of being) charged for accessing, possessing, or distributing child pornography.

Man One: 

The justice system, and everyone else too for that matter, sees me as a one-dimensional thing: a monster. That's all they see - this monstrous thing that I've done. I think I'm a good person, and when I think about my character, I think, yeah, it's pretty good. But I've done this evil thing, this horrible thing, but that's all anyone sees. They don't see me - the person behind this horrible monstrous thing.

Man Two: 

But that's the irony of it all, don't you see? We saw them as one-dimensional; we didn't see the person, the hurt, the victimization behind those images. What we did to them, we are having done to us. 

FAITHFULLY YOURS,

Toy With Me Tuesday: Plugging the Starburst

I was actually a little stuck coming up with a submission for 'Toy With Me Tuesday' this week, mostly because I knew I wanted to showcase the Happy Valley Ergo Plug and highlight the vibrancy of its orange body, but I didn't quite know how I wanted to do it. 

I was still mulling it over when RS came home from shopping with a bag full of Starburst to fill up the candy dishes that we leave out on our mantle for guests (and our own snacking pleasure of course!) and voilà, problem solved!

You can find more creative sex toy photography by heading on over to this week's Toy with me Tuesday collection. You can also follow the #ToyWithMeTuesday hashtag on twitter.

FAITHFULLY YOURS,

His Parents

I refuse to use the term 'in-laws' when talking about RS' parents.

In a practical sense, we're not married. The law has no current place in our relationship. There is no legal binding between RS and I, let alone between us and anyone else. The law hasn't yet created a 'family' around us, so on a pure semantic level, the 'in-law' title just doesn't fit.

They say you can't choose your family - I humbly disagree. Blood does not give you the right to be involved in my life. Family or not, you have to earn your place at my dinner table. For me, family isn't about Christmas dinner and in-the-mail birthday cards; it's about the interwoven lives that reach out and continue to weave themselves into one another. The law can not create that, and I refuse to pretend that family can mean so little.

My Mother raised me, guided me, and cultivated the person I am today. As my parent, she has been the single most important person in the formation of me. I refuse to accept the idea that marriage magically bestows the title of 'parent' on anyone, regardless of qualification or ability. My Mother is a wonderful, strong, intelligent woman who I admire and respect more than anyone else; using the term 'mother-in-law' would require that I drastically alter my conceptions of 'Mother', for no mother-in-law could ever stand on equal footing with my Mother. I would never wish to dilute the meaning of Mother in such a way.

For these reasons - and perhaps a million more - I refuse to use the term 'in-laws' when talking about RS' parents. I don't yet have a term for them. I don't yet know if they even deserve their own title, their own classification in the grand scheme of my life. For now they are just 'his parents'. Nothing more.

FAITHFULLY YOURS,

Are We Kinky Enough For This?

When I first started studying human sexuality exclusively, I was surrounded by beautiful, strong, and amazing individuals of incredible diversity on a daily basis. I admired them greatly. For every experience my textbooks touched on, there was someone next to me living it, breathing it, and embracing it.

I'm a middle-class white heterosexual and cisgendered female; it wasn't long before I began to wonder how I could belong in this group of strong and unique individuals. I couldn't help but wonder what I could possibly have to offer.

Eventually I managed to reconcile such feelings in the academic arena, realizing that my social location didn't define me, that I could (and always will) have something of value to contribute to any discussion at hand. I don't need to live something to speak to it, nor do I have to live something to advocate on behalf of it.

Truthfully, I still start to feel that way sometimes though, but in a much different arena.

When surrounded by other wonderfully kinky individuals, I often start to lose focus on my journey with kink, instead weighing myself down with realizations that I may be X,Y,Z, but I'll never be Q,R,S. Suddenly Q,R,S emerges as the epitome of kink for me, and I just don't measure up.

I love my kink; I value it and embrace it for what it is. My kink is my own, and that's all I could ever want. There is no trophy for the kinkiest bitch out there - I'm not striving for that title. One persons kink is another persons vanilla; it's all subjective. I love all things kinky, and yes, I still get swept away with it all from time to time.

I'm learning (and trying) to stop this habit. It's destructive and unhealthy. I don't believe in keeping up with the Jones' in any other aspect of my life - I don't intend to do it in the bedroom either. I like where RS and I are in our sexual development; we're always trying new things and navigating our way in this crazy space where everything and anything goes.

I'm still just getting my feet wet in a lot of different ways, but really, aren't we all? If we aren't chasing new sensations and opening ourselves up to new experiences, well, what's the point?

I'm surrounded by beautiful, strong, and amazingly kinky individuals of incredible diversity - but I guess perhaps I'm one of them too.

FAITHFULLY YOURS,